FEED DROP: Once Upod A Time | Episode 84: The Tale of The KetOgre
Welcome to Once Upod A Time, your fairytale creation podcast that uses Aarne–Thompson–Uther Index to craft new fairytales! This week we have a lovely story for you: The Tale of The KetOgre.
The following Transcripts are a.I. generated and their accuracy cannot be 100% confirmed.
O'Neil: Mm
Olivia: Okay, so we're each picking a letter for each of us.
O'Neil: Yeah.
Olivia: Okay.
Tyler: What category is the least? I don't know.
O'Neil: Who do we want to sign first?
Tyler: Well, we need to start the fucking pitch first, right?
Olivia: Welcome, everybody, to once upon a time, where the stories are made up based on numbers and
letters. Ain't that a treat? That sounds so exciting. So, I'm Olivia
fumioti. Hi. Nice to meet you. I came up with this idea.
O'Neil: I'm your wizard, O'Neil, and rebounded with my tremor.
Tyler: Prepare yourself to be taken upon a.
Speaker D: Journey beyond time, beyond space, beyond theory. Welcome to my
domain.
Tyler: I'm your prince Eric looking ass third host, Tyler Jacob.
Olivia: Great. All right, so here is the gist. using the ATU, the Arnd Thompson uther index, which
is a folk tale indexing, system, we will attempt to, by randomly assigning a category, we will
assign each other a letter which will determine the category of a specific motif, and then a number
which will give us a specific motif, within that sort of broader category, storytelling.
Tyler: Just as an example, s is, unnatural cruelty, and s 62.3 is barren wife exposed by husband.
Olivia: So, yeah, so, in this case, I would say, tyler, I'm gonna give you s for unnatural cruelty,
and o'Neill will say, I'm going to give you 64 for barren wife exposed.
Tyler: S 64 is spouse murder pact.
Olivia: Oh, I'm so sorry.
O'Neil: Hell, yeah, dude.
Olivia: Yeah. So it's gonna get specific. Yes. So, we've each decided, a alphabetical category for
each other, and then once the category is decided, the other person who is assigning the number,
we'll then decide from there, and then we will go into a brief writer's room, see what we can
synthesize from all of those motifs, and then hopefully come give you a little bit of clips, little
snippets of that, give you a little sneak peek, and then come back to you with a full new fairy
tale written here in this space. It's late where I am. It's getting late where they are.
O'Neil: It's gonna be an interesting time.
Olivia: It was a dark and stormy night. Let's fucking rock and roll.
O'Neil: All right, let's do it. All right, who wants to go first? Tyler, we're going to sign you
first, since you're being a little stinker. Liver, you want to choose his first category, and I'll
choose a second.
Olivia: Yeah. tyler, I am going to give you, I'm going to give you s. Unnatural cruelty.
O'Neil: Unnatural cruelty?
Olivia: Yeah. You've got s zero through s 499.
O'Neil: Okay, I'm going to go with. Wow, these are terrible. Holy shit. Oh, man. I'm gonna go give
you s 50s. You could pick any from the s, which is cruel relatives in law.
Tyler: Cruel relatives in law, cruel mother in law, cruel father in law, cruel, daughter in law,
cruel daughter, burned and underbaked bread.
Olivia: Oh, how about lover asks girl to kill her father?
Tyler: I do like lover asks girl to kill her father.
O'Neil: So, tyler, which one will you be choosing from the s 50 category?
Tyler: Burned and underbaked bread.
O'Neil: Yes.
Tyler: That one feels like me out there.
O'Neil: That's pretty good.
Tyler: And the sub, explanation is. Wishing to rid herself of her father in law. The daughter in
law starts to feed him burned bread, but the old man begins to thrive on it. When she tries
underbaked bread, he dies very soon.
O'Neil: Ooh, I like that. Okay, that's a good friend.
Olivia: And that's from our friends in.
Tyler: Lithuanian.
O'Neil: Lithuanian, yeah, that's okay.
Olivia: So Tyler has been assigned for his first one. S 54 one.
O'Neil: All right, let's assign. Do we want to assign both of Tyler's or do we want to. Do we want
to round robin?
Olivia: Well, actually, let's do both. Let's get both of them.
O'Neil: Let's get both.
Olivia: Tyler's out and kind of cook on the ideas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so you assign him a,
Tyler, a, letter.
O'Neil: For your letter, you will be getting. Let's do the religion known.
Olivia: Great big religion guy. Okay, let's see. I think I am going to. interesting. There's a lot
of these here. There's quite a bit of these I think I'm going to go with.
O'Neil: I see one that's crazy.
Olivia: There's one that's kind of insane. but I think I'm gonna go with v 340, miracle manifested
to non believers.
O'Neil: Hell yeah.
Tyler: V 340. What are you picking on? Let me scroll down to it. Wow. This is just for people
listening. If you wanna find this, there is a list of it. It's extremely long. Let me break you off
a piece. There's like seven of them. miracle man, manifest the non believers. Pagan Sybil draws
picture of Madonna and child in sand. Sign of cross intimidates jews.
O'Neil: Jesus.
Olivia: No.
Tyler: Should I keep reading these?
O'Neil: It's history. Read it.
Tyler: Jews protesting against m marriage of Jewess and Christian are struck dumb. Temple about
should be taken over by pagans, saved by appearance of sign of the cross. Image of the virgin dove,
flies out of man's mouth.
O'Neil: Oh, fuck yeah, dude. I love fucking prestige.
Tyler: Skeptic kicked by sacrificial animal. That's great. And then idols found on their faces
after saint's arrival. I think I'm gonna go with. I'm gonna continue the motif of food and eating,
and I think that'll tie together nicely. I'm gonna go with dove flies out of a man's mouth.
O'Neil: Okay, great. Fantastic.
Olivia: Out of a man's mouth.
Tyler: The subcategory m for that one is impious. Anchorite has agreed to forsake his religion in
return for the possession of a maid. When he repents, the dove re enters his mouth. That is
italian.
Olivia: Yeah. Like, here's the other thing again. These are folklore spanning, like, probably over
a thousand years. So they're not all going to be what we would say is politically correct in any
way, shape. We've also reached a point, and there will be terms that will be used that again, these
indexes. The most recent evaluation of them was done in 2004. Prior, it had been the sixties,
fifties, forties, and the early 19 hundreds.
Like, 19. Oh, 119. Twelve, like, very early. So a lot of the terms are very.
Tyler: My new favorite thing is adding ess to things to refer to a woman version of a people. You
know, she's american, she's a jewess. An american esque.
Olivia: That's very good. American essence.
O'Neil: What number is that?
Olivia: It flies out of a man's mouth. Great. That's v 345.
O'Neil: V 345. All right.
Olivia: And a lot of these come from european nations.
O'Neil: Yes, that is true.
Olivia: So that's what's collected. Some are from, like, you know, the indian and Asia
subcontinents and continents. So there are some. There's pulls from all over the joint.
O'Neil: Yep.
Olivia: But primarily european. All right. O'Neil.
O'Neil: Yeah? Hit me.
Olivia: You ready for your stuff?
O'Neil: Hit me.
Olivia: Ready for your stuff and things.
O'Neil: Hit me.
Olivia: All right. Pucker up. Here we go. I'm gonna give you our captives and fugitives.
O'Neil: Great, great.
Tyler: I'm going to give you. Let's see. I'm gonna give you our 220 reals flights.
O'Neil: 220.
Olivia: Okay. 220 flights.
O'Neil: Okay. We're taking to the skies. Let's see. R 220. Okay. R 220 flights.
Tyler: India.
O'Neil: Heroin's threefold. Flight from ball. Okay.
Tyler: Oh, Cinderella. That's Cinderella.
O'Neil: So Cinderella. Okay. Okay, so.
Tyler: Okay. Yeah.
O'Neil: Uh-huh.
Tyler: Unknown.
O'Neil: knight, interesting girl, flees to escape. Incestuous brother.
Tyler: I love how most of these have extensive, like, explanations of where they come from. And
this one just says India.
Speaker D: India.
O'Neil: Elopement. Elopement on a winged horse.
Speaker E: Ooh.
O'Neil: lovers elope to prevent girls marriage. To undesired fiance. Romantic wife flees from
husband. Wife flees from animal husband. Oh, wow. Okay. All right. Flight from hated husband.
Supernatural wife finds garments stolen from her.
Speaker D: Husband and leaves him.
O'Neil: Children leave home because their parents refuse them food.
Olivia: So, Irish.
O'Neil: Yep. Ooh, these are great ones. I'm tempted to go with escape from Vincestria's brother.
Olivia: It makes the brother in law, the father in law thing a little difficult to sort of
definitely like.
Tyler: It ties in.
O'Neil: I like. I think we'll probably need. Let's give this a little bit of structure, or at least
some sort of. Some sort of, like, core thing we know. And so I'm leaning towards either unknown
knight or heroin. Threefold flight from Baal. you know what, actually, I'm gonna do elopement on
winged horse, and we'll figure out.
Olivia: I knew you were gonna.
Olivia: I'll figure out structure for a different one. Elopement on a winged horse.
Olivia: That's great. That's beautiful. All right, Tyler, hit the man with a letter.
Speaker D: Yep.
O'Neil: Give me
00:10:00
O'Neil: a letter.
Tyler: I'm gonna give him, go with my new pop filter. I'm gonna give you p society.
O'Neil: P society. All right.
Olivia: Okay, great.
O'Neil: The joker. I can't wait.
Olivia: Oh, great. Okay, there's a lot of these going on here. All right, so we've got royalty,
nobility, other social orders, the family, other social relationships, trades and professions,
government.
O'Neil: Just do it a little bit.
Olivia: Slaves and society. Miscellaneous motif. Okay, I'm gonna go with. Oh, man. Okay, I gotta
think about structure here. Without knowing the full details of what's in here. P 340. Teacher and
pupil.
O'Neil: Okay, teacher and pupil. Oh, I love this one. This is honestly a favorite of mine. Let's
see. What. What do we have for. What do we have for teacher? Teacher. Pupil
340. Is that the one?
Olivia: Yep. 340.
O'Neil: All right, let's see here. So we have druids as teachers. Powerful teacher dies of pride
over successful pupil. Holy shit. Student enters competition with master. Ooh.
Okay. Student challenges his fencing master.
Olivia: Teacher overcome by the letters.
O'Neil: Teacher threatens to curse pupils if they disobey. Okay, those are the only ones
for teacher and pupil.
Olivia: Short little thing. Short little thing.
O'Neil: Yeah. which one would you guys prefer? Druids as teachers or student enters competition
with his master. The latter feels very dragon ball. Dragon Ball.
Olivia: Yes. But you also. I'm trying to think of, like, a bread baking competition sometimes. Yes.
O'Neil: Actually, let's go with that.
Olivia: Writing competition. Okay.
O'Neil: That's student p. 342.
Olivia: 342. Okay, great. Okay, so that is pupil enters competition with master. Okay. Like, the
wording is so rich and excellent every time.
O'Neil: Deep, deep pockets here.
Olivia: All right, Tyler, hit me with one.
O'Neil: Yep. Tyler, get that, get that.
Tyler: Oh, man. I got it. I'm sorry. I gotta give you x humor because.
O'Neil: I was reading these broad, we gotta punch these up.
Tyler: Some of these are super problematic.
O'Neil: My God.
Olivia: Jesus Christ. Oh, my God. These are so, these are bad.
O'Neil: These are so bad.
Olivia: O'Neil, please. O'Neil, please.
O'Neil: O'Neil, please.
Olivia: O'Neil.
Tyler: X 650 jokes concerning other races or nations.
Olivia: No. Please, O'Neil.
O'Neil: No, I'm not gonna be so terrible.
Olivia: Lies and exaggerations.
O'Neil: Olivia, you got 610 go with that. 610 jokes concerning jews. You know what? You know what
this story's sort of missing. Please tell me this is sort of missing, that flair that we have. A
little bit of romance, but nothing yet. So I'm gonna give you 700.
Olivia: 700 humor concerning sex. Humor concerning sex, jokes on old maids and jokes on courtship,
which just, 700 humor concerning sex, straight up. Okay. 700 straight up. Okay. Oh, my God. This is
an enormous category.
O'Neil: They couldn't figure out where.
Olivia: Okay. Humor concerning sex.
O'Neil: Oh, it just has one, or is there another?
Olivia: No, it just has, it just has the one.
O'Neil: Wait, how do you get to the.
Olivia: I think there is just the one.
O'Neil: Okay, let me pick a different one. Okay, let me pick a deeper vein here. All right, I'm
gonna go, I'm gonna go a little bit deeper into the humor. There's also lies, and I think that can
make a nice little twist and tie.
Olivia: Okay, let's go.
O'Neil: 1660.
Olivia: 1660. Lies about climate. Lies about climate.
O'Neil: Okay, let's get a climate change deny.
Olivia: Okay. Okay. X 1660. This is a big category. Okay. Okay. Lies about climate. Okay, Liz.
About weather. Climate. A lie a year with two summers and no winter. From Canada. A lie a year with
two winters and no summer lie. Mixed weather. Summer ends one spot in winter in another. Nearby
lies about changes in weather. Lies about quick change from cold to warm. Lies about quick change
in weather from warm to cold. And man freezes to saddle. I mean, there's a clear outlier here, so
I'm gonna go with man freezes to saddle because we do have the sort of winged horse thing, and, you
know, at altitude, I'm a little concerned, so I'm gonna go with 160. Man freezes to saddle.
O'Neil: Okay, Tyler, choose.
00:15:00
O'Neil: Oh, no, I choose the letter, right?
Olivia: Yes, you choose the letter. No, I mean, there's one we've talked about that we haven't yet.
O'Neil: Yeah. I'm trying to decide if I want to choose that one or if I want to choose one of these
other ones.
Tyler: Just do it. Just do it.
Speaker D: Coward.
O'Neil: Yeah, we're going with, g ogres.
Olivia: Nice. Excellent.
Tyler: Okay, Tyler, there's so many. basically, ogres is just so everyone knows, is sort of a
category for any sort of monstrous figure. Witches is also under ogres as well.
Olivia: Witches are also ogres. Yep.
O'Neil: Oh, wow. There's a lot.
Olivia: Yes.
Tyler: Might I suggest.
O'Neil: Oh, these are. This is. This is where we got to get our main structure from. M. This is our
evil. We need an evil. We need an antagonist.
Tyler: G 530. Ogres. Relative aids hero.
Olivia: Guys, the whole time they've been ogres.
O'Neil: Shit.
Olivia: Okay. Okay. G 530. We scrolling? M we scrolling? The G 300s are long as hell.
Tyler: Okay, devil in hell is g 303 8.3, by the way.
O'Neil: 3530.
Tyler: G 530.
O'Neil: It's just that. No, no, no.
Olivia: 530.
Tyler: Okay. Yeah, there's a lot of these.
O'Neil: Wow. This is great. This is fantastic.
Olivia: Okay, we've got help from the ogre's wife or mistress. Giant overcome and slain when his
wife binds his hair to posts. Help from Ogre's daughter or son. Help from Ogre's mother, help from
Ogre's grandmother. Help from old woman in Ogre's House. Ogre's maidservant as helper. and then
just, the three third. Okay. Hero hidden and Ogre deceived by his wife. Daughter when he says that
he smells human blood. Ooh, a little fee five tells wife how people may evade his power. Captive
woman in ogre's House helps hero. Ogre defeated with divine help. Ogre defeated with the help of a
goddess. Ooh.
O'Neil: Okay.
Olivia: Interesting. Okay, grandma, I like the idea of just, like, an old woman being in someone's
House, just being in the ogre, you know?
O'Neil: That's right. For creation.
Olivia: That's.
O'Neil: You have a lot of good ones here.
Olivia: She's my landlord. She just. She stays in my kitchen. Cause it's warm.
Speaker F: Aw.
Olivia: man, I think. I think we're gonna have to go with. I mean. Cause we have to have a crux
here.
O'Neil: Yeah.
Olivia: So I'm gonna go ahead and say that the ogre tells wife how people may evade his power.
Tyler: Mmm.
O'Neil: Okay.
Olivia: Okay, I'm gonna go with g. 553-4534 okay.
O'Neil: All right, Tyler, do you want to. Let's do a quick recap, and then we'll go into our
writer's room.
Tyler: I have burned an underbaked bread, dove out of man's mouth, and then I.
O'Neil: Have elopement on a winged horse, and student enters competition with his master.
Olivia: I then have man freezes to saddle and ogre tells wife how people may evade his power.
O'Neil: Okay, do we want to do one wild card?
Tyler: How would we do that? Should we do just do a little random number and letter generator?
O'Neil: Yes.
Tyler: Yeah, sure. Why not?
Olivia: Okay, wild card. Just to really make this even more.
Tyler: Real, Podcast with rules we can do kind of. We can do whatever we want.
Olivia: We can make up our own. Hey, we're making it up as we go, baby.
O'Neil: T 670.
Olivia: Okay. Sex. 670 is adoption of children.
O'Neil: Great. I love it.
Olivia: 670S.
O'Neil: Now chat DBT said specifically 672. I don't know if there is a 672.
Olivia: There's a couple 672s.
O'Neil: Okay, well, we'll just do 670 in general. We could pick from the ones we like. 670 is
adoption of children. 671 adoption by suckling.
Tyler: Ogres who suckle's hero claims him as her son.
Olivia: Oh, guys, we're completely missing t. 53 1.1. Which is conception from having licked semen
stained loincloth.
O'Neil: That's for our Saltburn episode lyric. All right. 672, which is what Chad DBT specifically
chose. His adopted child reproaches his foster mother, and it is returned to its real mother. 673.
Rich but stingy couple adopt the young man as their son.
Everybody's happy. Adopted child is deserted when own child is born to couple. Saucy. Real mother
preferred to foster mothers. Children prefer foster mothers. Childless couple adopt animal and
substitute for child.
Olivia: Love that.
O'Neil: Love that.
Tyler: Isn't that what most young couples are doing now with dogs, these millennials?
O'Neil: Childless woman adopts a serpent transformed man and then substitute for child. Adopted
child identical with real child reared with him. Oh, interesting.
00:20:00
O'Neil: so those are adopted children. What are sticking out to you guys?
Olivia: I kind of like. Rich but stingy couple adopt young man as their son. Everybody is happy.
Tyler: I'm also enjoying. Childless woman adopts a serpent transformed man.
Olivia: I kind of.
O'Neil: I'm really loving adoption by suckling. Cause how does that work?
Olivia: Ogress? It's an ov. We got the Ess ogress who suckles hero.
Tyler: Claire, what?
Olivia: Do you see that?
Tyler: 1671. T 61. Adoption by suckling.
O'Neil: Oh.
Olivia: Oh, gristle's here.
O'Neil: Oh, yes. Claims him as his son. Yes.
Olivia: Okay. And then we have t. T 671, adoption by suckling. I hate it.
O'Neil: Okay, all right, that's our wild card. That's Just one where we try to.
Tyler: Use to show that gonna happen in.
Olivia: This story by suckling. Okay. A lot of things are gonna happen, but it's gonna be engaging.
We're gonna use all of our collective storytelling brain power.
Tyler: Sure. Yeah.
Olivia: It's currently 1230 where I am.
O'Neil: Hell yeah, brother.
Olivia: This will be good.
Tyler: I think there's something to be done with the dove and the underbaked bread.
Olivia: Yes.
O'Neil: That's sort of. That's how ogre is.
Tyler: Our way that people evade his power is by tricking him into eating under baked bread with a
dove in it.
Olivia: He has celiac.
O'Neil: Oh, and the underbrake bread. He's allergic to doves. He's allergic to doves.
He's allergic to peace. And so the overcooked bread, it's like, oh, we'll burn this bread to poison
him. But instead, he's like, I love the burned bread. He's like, but he's allergic to doves. So
under bake the bread, put a dove inside the bread, and then it comes out and he's dead.
Tyler: Exactly.
Olivia: Okay, so you know how they do.
O'Neil: In, m Jack and the beanstalk where it's like, this is a sign of it? So it's like, oh, so
you'll know. You'll know if he's dead, if he's gotten food poisoning, if the. If the dove comes out
of his mouth, that's how you know that there's a dove in his mouth, that you've won the dove.
There's a dub in his heart.
Olivia: The peace in his heart will win.
Tyler: Now, how do I get adoption? By suckling into this.
Olivia: And how do we. And how do we fit in? a student enters competition with his master.
Tyler: No, hang on, hang on.
Olivia: Okay, you hear me out.
Tyler: The winged horse is the master.
O'Neil: What if we. What if instead of adoption in the paternal sense, we turn it. Adoption in the
erotic sense. And the elopement is with the ogres.
Tyler: That's what I was about to say.
O'Neil: Let's go.
Tyler: Hang on, hang on. I think I've got it. I think I've got it. Okay, this is a competition. And
the winner gets to cook the Zogre.
O'Neil: Okay, all right.
Tyler: Big, big baking. And the student enters with his master. The loser gets, eaten by the ogre.
Speaker D: Loser gets eaten by the ogre.
Tyler: Dove flies out of man's mouth. Horse is named Dove horse.
Olivia: Who's part horse? Part dove. Hundred percent an escape plan.
O'Neil: Dove horse. Okay.
Olivia: Dove horse. He's like, hey, man, you gotta let me win. My ass is frozen to this horse.
O'Neil: I'm just gonna cut that part out. Nothing else that you put in so far, just that.
Okay, I think we have everything. Okay, so let's. Let's hone in on this, because I think we have
everything more or less, like, put in. We can figure out the rest of it, but how does man freezes
to saddle? Olivia, what are you thinking with. With the structure we have so far? So, so far, we
have, you know, it's a baking competition. The ogre's wife is like, I will adopt you. I want you to
beat this ogre.
Olivia: Adoption as my new husband.
O'Neil: As my new husband. Exactly.
Olivia: Because, you know, it could be like listening in on the judge's tent, being like, hey, we
have to make sure we put the gluten free Flour in, because I'll die. Cause I have ogre celiac.
O'Neil: Ogre celiac.
Olivia: The dove that he ate a long time ago emerges at one point. He had also eaten a horse, so.
O'Neil: He does have sealing.
Olivia: They bred inside of him. They produced the dove horse.
O'Neil: So this is an ogre with an immortal dove inside and hesitated.
Olivia: A horse.
O'Neil: It's an immortal dove. pegasus of a magical creation. This ogre
00:25:00
O'Neil: is a glutton. You know, he can't have any gluten. Gluten allergy and maybe also lactose
intolerant. But, you know, he's okay occasionally.
Olivia: Could be an adoption of, like, you're the heir. Mayhaps you will inherit a great fortune if
you.
O'Neil: I like the sexual attention, but if you don't.
Olivia: So the suckling is sort of, like, just sort of.
O'Neil: No, we can write it. We can write about, Let's do. Let's limit it. We'll limit it to about
five pages of erotica.
Tyler: In between that, they follow love suckling.
Olivia: Where it's, like, at night. Like, it's, like, skill learned at night. No, I should.
O'Neil: I think we should write probably four or five pages of graphic sex.
Olivia: Yeah. Okay.
O'Neil: Just so that way. Graphics. Thank you.
Olivia: Can I just, like, pull something from, like, my archive?
O'Neil: Yeah, yeah. If you want me to chat, I can have chat sort of punch.
Tyler: Can you write me a story about an ogress and a baker?
Olivia: I don't want to see what chat GPT comes up with.
Tyler: How many. What breasts does the ogress have?
O'Neil: 17. He has to learn how to suckle from both ends. Ew, gross.
Olivia: Just to get ogre titty milk enema. Just.
O'Neil: That man is flush. That's the purification ritual.
Olivia: No wonder the dove came out. Jesus Christ. Okay, I started working on page three.
O'Neil: The smut.
Olivia: I, can do that part if you. If you want to do the stuff.
Tyler: I love the idea that everything but the smut is just, like, quick and rush, but the smut is
just, like, super in depth.
O'Neil: So long.
Olivia: Wait. We need to do the. We need to do the. Just complete, like, lack of. No, no. Anatomy.
Incorrect anatomy.
O'Neil: Incorrect anatomy. That's our extra.
Olivia: Yeah.
O'Neil: What's the moral? Give me. Give me a width.
Olivia: I mean, it's. It's. I guess it's sort of,
O'Neil: Anti gluttony.
Olivia: Anti gluttony. This is. This is about. This is about several sins. Lust is not one of the
ones that we're worried about.
O'Neil: We're rewarding lust, but punishing.
Olivia: It's. It's okay. This is about nourishing your body and soul.
O'Neil: Okay.
Olivia: With food. The sort of. Sort of the. The. The joys of the flesh and how that's not wrong.
O'Neil: Okay. Oh, so it's sort of a. Okay, I like. I like twisting that on its head. I like
twisting that on its head. The ogre eats the horse because it's healthy.
O'Neil: Is this ogre trying to get its.
Olivia: Macros in high protein, sees the wings, thinks white meat, eats the horse.
Olivia: Maybe. Maybe the baking is like, an ingredient. Like, he's like, oh, you never put sugar in
any of this. We're just going. He's like a keto ogre. A keto ger.
O'Neil: Keto. I love ketoger. Wait. I love keto girl. Let's chase that. Let me just write down
ketogur so we never forget.
Tyler: You beat me like, half a. Ketogur's powerful.
O'Neil: Ketoger's power. I'm just gonna put. I'm just gonna put that at the very top. This is the.
The tail of the ketogenic.
Tyler: the secret.
O'Neil: Well, he.
Tyler: Once he exits secret is to knock him out of ketosis.
O'Neil: Knock him out of ketosis. Exactly. So instead of it being an underbreak thing, it's.
Tyler: Here we come.
O'Neil: Sugar. Sugar is.
Olivia: I mean, we also get to do. Tyler's favorite thing is just at keto grass.
O'Neil: Keto grass.
Olivia: So is it. No. I don't know why you spell ogre.
O'Neil: Oh, there you go. Okay, well, you spell Baja wrong, so we're even. Jesus Christ.
Olivia: There you go.
O'Neil: Okay. Instead of a winged horse, what is it?
Tyler: Instead of a regular horse, who had a Red Bull.
O'Neil: Red Bull.
Olivia: All this detail that's just
00:30:00
Olivia: not written down. We know that the horse looks like a Subaru bot. Okay?
Tyler: I hope. I hope we get super successful and we get to make the Keto grace movie.
O'Neil: Shit. Hell, yeah, dude. I can't fucking believe that's not this shit again. God fucking
damn it.
Olivia: Listen, I'm just here for brave Bulker.
Tyler: Arise. That's not the only thing, My traps are not the only thing. Getting swoled.
Speaker D: Once upon a time, there was a handsome lifestyle coach from Baja California, Zinn, who
rode astride his winged horse dove. Seeking sick gains from a nearby temple of iron, he flew over
the frozen mountains of the north into Ogre country. Riding on his his swole steeds, Xin battled
the winds of the north, attempting to reach the Land of Wei and Gates. With the winter cold of the
cold iron winds, and the fact that Xin didnt do his full 25 minutes kinetic mobility stretches
caused the mighty Xin to cramp, forcing the duo to make an emergency landing. Seeing the warmth of
a nearby hearth, Zinn dove dove toward the shining beacon for warmth. Unbeknownst to our hero, he
landed in the most dangerous lifting zone known to man. Warming himself and doing a couple of
phoenix rising extensions, he was ambushed by a fearsome keetoger.
Speaker F: Chest, lats, arms, and hex hunters enter the lair of kitogos.
Speaker D: Flex Zin dove out of the way of the Kitogr's mighty paw. But the majestic dove wasn't so
lucky. The kito ger grabbed him and swallowed him whole.
Tyler: Thyself January bro, you ate my spotter.
Speaker D: Said Zin, revealing himself. The ketogu looked upon the unswole hero and let out a
roided guffaw.
Speaker F: You measly lightweight. You wouldn't even be enough to feed the beast for my mean muscle
beast, it'd be better off my salmon baking low glycemic treats for my
wife and I than missus would enjoy some low carb cookies.
Olivia: What the heck?
Speaker F: You should grind your balding a playable guy.
Tyler: But I dont know how to bake. Oh swollen, terrible ketoger.
Speaker D: Cried tsin. The ketoger laughed.
Speaker F: I should have known from your small frame.
Speaker D: Of course you dont, the ketogur boasted while dry scooping c four.
Speaker F: I shall teach you the proper way to bait in the kido tradition, and you shall face me in
a low no card beat off. Every day, after 3 hours of lifting, I shall take you into my kitchen and
show you how low carb baking is done.
Speaker D: He toured, zinn through his open concept kitchen.
Speaker F: However, if the day of our competition arrives and gamey from our daily lives, you will
have little to no fat left on your bones. I will then suck.
Tyler: Yeah man, sounds good.
Speaker D: Agreed Zin, shaking the keto girls meaty hand. The kitoris sick and tired of being
denied her simple pleasures like a single lindor truffle knew this was her
opportunity to escape her carb controlling husband and finally be able to live a life of food moral
neutrality. Somewhere beyond the mountains that night, the ketogrews laid in bed with her husband
as he extolled the cleverness of his plan.
Speaker F: As long as I keep my carbs out, I should be able to last a full month, and his body will
be struggling to keep up with a new ketosis process.
Speaker D: This will be a sick the ketogre laughed to himself, pulling the covers onto his side of
the bed. Yes, dear, said the ketogris, thinking about a Christmas bundle of Ferreira Rocher. Once
the ketoger was asleep, the ketogris crept from her bed into the kitchen, where Zinn laid in front
of the hearth.
Speaker E: Brave volcker, arise.
Speaker D: The ketogris voice weird, shaking. Zin. A week?
Tyler: Was that, drool?
Speaker D: Zin, I have a proposition for you, said the kotocris.
Tyler: Oh, yeah?
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Speaker D: Asked Zinn, waggling his eyebrows salaciously. Ignoring zins forward behavior, the
Ketogoras continued.
Speaker E: If you wish to defeat my husband in the baking competition, you will not do it from
learning from him alone.
Speaker D: She rose and removed a tub of mass gainer from the top shelf of the larder.
Speaker E: This is actually refined white sugar, and it is the key to winning this contest. If you
agree to stay up nights with me, I will teach you how to bake properly so that you may have the
energy for the day and be able to throw off the ketoga's Liver function on the day of the
competition. Give your horse enough energy to escape and win your freedom.
Tyler: Why would you help me?
Speaker E: His keto breath keeps me awake all night. His flatulence changes the ph of the room, and
I wish to travel beyond the mountains and meet the legendary Lloyd, Ben and master jerry and
indulge in their iced creams. If you win, you will take me with you.
Speaker D: Hell yeah, agreed Zin.
Tyler: I can do that.
Speaker D: And so, for the next two fortnights, Xin and the kitoga lifted massive barrels of cream
cheese and pulled the milk fat from Gi. The kitoga lifted to failure every set while zin paced
himself with good form. As per the kotogres advice, he ate dry, overly spiced cheese crackers
pulled from the oven by day under the ketogers tutelage. And when the sun set, the ketogur
collapsed from a long day of gains. Then, the kittogress would sneak from the marriage bed into the
kitchen, where Xin would be waiting.
Together, they would whisk cream to stiff peaks, knead and fold buttery dough and top steaming
loaves with a generous dusting of powdered sugar. The chocolate coating on the jaded kitograss
heart began to melt at the gentle kindness showed to her by the lifestyle coach during their time
in the kitchen as he told her about his homeland of Baja California. She in turn would ask him if
they still made Twinkies.
Tyler: They stopped for a while due to some financial issues, but a new backer slipped in and put
them back in.
Speaker D: Production, Zinn assured her. Oh, that's a relief, said the ketocris, admiring the way
the dying firelight rippled across his biceps and lats. Eventually, those lingering looks were
returned, and in the time the cookies spent baking in the oven, the ketogoras told Zin about the
ogre custom of suckling and how the ketoga had refused to practice this holy tradition due to the
fat content. The day of the competition finally arrived. Zinn hadnt slept a wink the night before
due to the stress of the upcoming festivities. Followed the ketoger into the kitchen, where the
ketocaras was waiting.
Ketoger flexed and said, I feel like.
Speaker F: A slow packet.
Speaker D: And left the room key to quickly stood up and began whispering to Zayden.
Speaker E: We don't have much time, she whispered. Remember what we discussed. Add the sugar and he
will be shocked out of his ketosis like a teenager seeing a grow man's balls in the gym locker
room. And after this is done, we can suckle all night.
Speaker D: Zin nodded in agreement, said the kitogu, zipping his fly as he walked into
the room. Zin and the kito took their places at separate ends of the kitchen. Zin could barely
focus, thinking about all all the suckling he was about to do. Iki toga spoke.
Speaker E: You have 1 hour to finish your finest keto baked goods. The losers shall have their
bones ground into the finest pre workout. May the biggest bulker win begin.
Speaker D: Xin began to bake furiously. Never had he baked off so intensely. M first, he added his
protein Flour to the macro slurry, combining them with his slick wrist and arm action.
Tyler: Perfect. Now I just need to add my secret ingredient.
Speaker D: He discreetly grabbed the mass gainer tub full of sugar. While the ketogua wasn't
looking, Xin finished baking and dumped a whole load of
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Speaker D: sugar into the batter. When his keto cookies were done, he left them on the cooling rack
for about five to ten minutes and then presented them to the ketogur what peony looking keto
cookies you've brought me, gloated the ketogur.
Speaker F: Let me try real quickly.
Speaker D: The ketogur greedily scooped up the cookies into his mouth. At first nothing happened.
Had their plan failed? Suddenly the ketogur's face fell. The mighty Keetoga had left Ketosis for
the first time since his high school girlfriend had scorned him for the quarterback, Rick Daintley.
Yes, it is possible, said Zinn triumphantly.
Tyler: Now I'll use your bone dust pre workout to get maximum gains while suckling
keetogris.
Speaker D: Emerging from the keetogris throat, the majestic dove arose, spreading its wings out of
the ketogur's mouth. Zin and the leaky kitogris mounted the mighty dove, and riding from the draft
of the dove's wings, Zin grabbed ahold of her lustrous mane and with the other arm pulled the ki
togris into his embrace and into the saddle. Dove climbed in me, ascending further into the clouds,
leaving the kinogu behind.
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